A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
If you consider the purview of humour as a spectrum of wit ranging from 0 to 10 with 10 being the wittiest and 0 being witless, I like 10 and 0 and nothing in between.
Ya know you the new movie The Sourcecode, well I can't wait till the sequal comes out: The Compiler, and if they want to make many more maybe it will be The I.D.E.
Ha ha ha... been waiting days to tell that to somone who would get it!
Thats the one! Even if that joke wasn't funny I'm still gonna tell it just to create those awkward moments when no one gets the joke, but yourself of course.
I once watched Andy Kaufman wrestle a women on SNL to prove male superiority, I was aghast. The next day I explained what I saw to a friend at work, half-way through my story of what I had seen the night before my friend began laughing and I realized Andy had got me again.
I can tell Andy stories again and again and they are still funny. I really can't think of another performer who created situations which are funny over and over again years after they happened.
When Andy died I didn't believe it--he made is own death funny. There are still people today that claim Andy did not die and that it is just an elaborate put-on.